Ever get annoyed? Ever feel like someone needs to be told where the dog died? Or handed a crowbar and a tub of Elbow Grease to help them pry their head out of their arse? Congratulations--you've come to the right place.

And when I'm not commenting on the latest thing to piss me off, I'm trying to figure out my own twisted life. Because, hey, I'm like that.

On a gentler note: for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, and other assorted bullshit: You are NOT alone.

And if you're looking for a laugh, search on the key word "fuckery." It's just my little thing (as the bishop said to the actress).

Monday, January 31, 2011

Dear Jesus... Two VERY Different Conversations

Or, Why I REALLY HATE Religion

Death: Humans need fantasy to *be* human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They're not the same at all.
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and sieve it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some, some rightness in the universe, by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?
Death: You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Dear Jesus,
Could you have a direct word with your followers and remind them about the One Commandment? And that to be one of your followers, they're supposed to follow that ONE Commandment? Or, better yet, tell them the truth about the censoring of the Bible, the truth about your life (especially those missing years), and the fact that they weren't supposed to make a separate religion out of it?
Many thanks,

So, I had an interesting weekend. It seems that even when I'm not trying to get into trouble, I get into trouble. Now, I've mentioned that I am a Neopagan--that while I believe in God, I really feel like He needs friends, and I like having a man to argue with who doesn't argue back. It doesn't work in a real, face-to-face relationship, but it gives me the illusion/delusion that I'm not talking to myself.

I used to be a Catholic. Scratch that--I was never a Catholic, but I was raised Catholic and realized after graduating from Catholic school that the reason I never quite fit in is because I didn't believe the dogmatic bullshit. For the record, I don't believe in Jesus Christ as a God figure. I love his philosophy--it jives with several other philosophies that I think are worth living by--and I generally respect his message. HOWEVER... I also accept that he has been used across two millennia as both an agent of civilization and oppression, and that clever men have manipulated that message and history for their purposes.

That is historical fact.

I also accept that we all need beliefs and superstitions. I get that--I have a shitload of my own, and I get that most of them are security blankies--my way of insulating myself against the ugliness of reality. I included the exchange from Hogfather because I think Sir Terry got it right--belief is the essence of being human. It's just that some of us take our beliefs a little too far. Allow me to elucidate.

I was late leaving work on Friday because I stopped by the desk to chat a sec with one of my favorite student workers, Tess. Tess is awesome--aside from the fact that she's brave enough to venture on a jaunt to the Asshole of the Northeast with me to see Celebricrush--she's just a fabulous person. Now, two other students were having a convo, and I couldn't help but listen because it was a GREAT convo--convos like this are the reason I LOVE working in academia because every so often, I get to witness (and take part in) a REAL exchange of ideas--people listening and sharing and discussing--the free exchange of ideas--with civility and respect. What was even more awesome was that Lex and Chris invited us into the conversation. It started with single parenthood and went on to feminism, language, racism, and ended with a handshake on the steps.

I LOVE THAT. Convos like that are food for my soul--nourishing, uplifting, joyful, stimulating and just AWESOME. I left here happy and feeling fabulous, my faith in humanity renewed.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. I overslept Saturday morning, missed Jason Ciaramella's comic scripting seminars (both of them) at the Brockton NE Comics (majorly annoyed, considering the next writing project after the rewrite is finished is taking a hack at adapting Tory's MS for a manga), as well as getting my hair cut (which it needs desperately). It also put me behind schedule for Getting Things Done--I had a long list that included working out, hitting the supplement store, getting coffee, taking Mum on errands, and running a few of my own before getting home by 8:00 in order to finish up the Lurve Monkeys for etsy.

Sooooooooooooo... I finally made it to the supplement store around 4:30. A friend is running this side of a new business, and I'm psyched because he always give great advice without trying to rip people off. He knows how strapped I am budget-wise, BUT he also knows that I'm hoping for some serious success in the gym PLUS all of my allergy issues, so I can trust Lou's advice (and I will be giving the store a plug in my next "promotes" post). So, I have my selections and he's ringing me up, and there's this old guy leaning against the counter, talking away, and of course, I get pulled into the convo, talking about how long we've known Lou, yadda yadda.

Well, of course, the talk shifts to politics, and it becomes almost immediately obvious that this gent and I are on POLAR opposites of the political spectrum. When I politely make this clear, he tries to hand it off to Lou, who clearly states that he and I have agreed not to talk politics because we are friends and want to stay that way. Lou and I agreed years ago to agree to disagree and not try to sway each other. It's about respect.

Then it gets interesting, because Old Guy is NOT gonna let it go. He pulls another guy over--"Here, let me introduce you to my friend, HE knows all about the TRUTH."

I should have RUN. Instead, I continue to be polite. Mistake: turns out Mr. Truth is a Tea Partier. And a fundamentalist Xtian. Who has studied theology. Who KNOWS Jesus. Who tells me that I don't know Jesus, I haven't studied theology (and yeah, the idiot did NOT know where I work), I don't know the Bible, and the list went on.

I finally said, once I'd been told that I was WRONG, that I was getting out of the conversation because he was being uncivil and not listening and I was walking away. And I did.

Stop fainting--I was in a friend's place of business, I was dealing with old people, I was not going to start cussing him out and making a scene. I modeled my beliefs--I remained civil, polite, and walked the fuck away to look at the menu for the restaurant this place is attached to. Mr. Truth continued to yammer and gesture to Old Guy about how wrong I was, and eventually, they walked out. I tried to look at the menu, but my appetite was gone at that point. I turned around, said good-bye to Lou, and headed for my car. I opened the door to hear Mr. Truth say, "She seems like a really nice lady, but she's WRONG."

I grin, shake my head, and start to descend the stairs. To have Mr. Truth suddenly in my face, trying to evangelize me, reiterating how I don't know The Truth. At which point I say, "There is no single truth. Truth is subjective."

And he freaks. FREAKS. "There's only ONE TRUTH!!!"

Me: "No, there's three sides to the truth: yours, mine, and somewhere in the middle, is fact."


I walk away while he blathers and yammers. He continues to shout at me while I walk to my car.

I turn and tell him, "Go in peace," and do the yoga half-bow, hands together with just the fingertips touching.


What brings me up short is this: "YOU'LL NEVER KNOW JOY BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW JESUS!"

I stop, standing by the door of my car, looking at him with a look that clearly conveys the fact that he has grown four extra heads and I'm trying to comprehend it. I have been rendered speechless. Seriously. Speechless. He repeats himself. And repeats himself as he disappears between his vehicle and an SUV.

Old Guy is standing there, watching me, waiting for my reaction.

And finally, my face splits into a grin, and I say to Old Guy, "Get him a good psychiatrist, willya? He's crazy!" I wave, bust a gut laughing as I get into my car, and I can hear Mr. Truth's voice dopplering over that I'm the crazy one and he doesn't need a shrink, he's got Jesus.


*slams head on the desk*

Being me, I posted the statement to the Twitverse & FB: Evidently, I can never know joy because I don't know Jesus." I also had to call a couple of my Fellow Faithless, the Fabulous Alicia and Vicki and have a damn good laugh with them. Leesh explains that her hubby used to have a roommate named Joy, and she knew her pretty well, so she's OK, and we conclude that I just need to meet someone named Joy. Vicki and I just shake our heads and laugh. I went to the gym, still amused, and got in a good (if short) workout. The FB exchange was pretty good, and of course, I had to tell St. Teresa when I got home because I was still trying to process this insanity. She had the best reply (and remember that St. T. is a good Catholic and real Christian): "How the hell can you know him? HE'S DEAD!"

Yeah, I actually inherited my sarcasm and lack of tolerance for the morons from her.

Had a laugh in Sbux over it with the baristas AND the clients. I got mileage, let me tell ya. I actually had to watch I Swear to God yesterday for a dose of Jim Jefferies's atheism and common sense as an antidote to the rabid Xtianity that had infected my day. How fucking sad is it that the atheists and Neopagans know more about Xtianity and Jesus's philosophy and religion than the people who claim to believe? And to tell me that I hadn't studied theology when the fucker didn't even know my name, never mind my background. *slams head on the desk* THIS is why I HATE people--I really tried to give him a chance, but the idiot wouldn't give me a chance to get a word in.

And I know why--it's not because Mr. Truth trusts his belief. I always find that argument amusing--that it's because a person is SO INFUSED with their FAITH they MUST share it with you. BULLSHIT. It's because they have so little faith they need to shout down the rest of the world lest a little fucking common sense and intelligence worm its way in and create doubt. It's the ultimate form of insecurity--they have so little grounding, they have to shove what little bit of meaning they've found down the throat of others. I hate it. Jesus wept, I have so many fucking insecurities, but I have enough faith in myself and my spirituality to give others the space to be who they are and believe what they need to.

Gimme the same fucking courtesy, willya? Don't look down on me as some poor, uneducated, deluded fool, and I'll give you the same respect, ferfuckssake.

I'm still baffled by it, but for me, it really sums up the difference between the right and the left these days (and it's not an original conclusion): the Right believes that it is RIGHT and leaves no room for discussion. The left concedes that the Right has a right to believe what it does, has a some valid points, but isn't seeing the whole picture.

I'm in the middle--there are people who will tell you that I'm not, but it's not the truth. See, while I have seriously liberal leanings, I also have a fair measure of common sense. I belong to the Coffee Party because I believe in what they're doing--they're working towards civil dialogue. That's all I want. I'm sick of rhetoric, bullshit, bullying, and outright lies. I'm tired of the truth being twisted. I'm tired of the conspiracies and the conspiracy theories. I'm FUCKING TIRED, PEOPLE. It's fucking time we all got along and played nice. Either that, or Washington and the lobbies and the bureaucrats need to be wiped off the planet, let a little anarchy in, and rebuild. I'm done.

(That being said, let it be noted that I am not one of these extremists that has a stockpile of weapons--chemical or firearms--at home who would act on such an insane premise. What has been stated above is HUMOR--BLACK HUMOR, CYNICISM. And it makes me very sad and lose hope that I have to make a statement like this on this blog because my country has forgotten sanity and civility and is going the way of ancient Rome--once a beautiful civilization worth respect and glory, now a crumbling ruin of inanity, excess and extremity.)

So in conclusion... Argh. To be Christlike, consider the above parable-ish. If you find yourself dealing with someone with an opposing viewpoint, LISTEN. CONSIDER. You don't have to change your beliefs or your faith, but at least allow that the other person has a right to their own truth.

Doing what Mr. Truth did to me on Saturday is how wars start. How Christlike is that?


  1. Ah the hypocrisy of Christianity. And I'm quite a few years "sober" of my Catholic upbringing. That's why I wrote the novel, because it always struck me as funny just how subjective religion is - the idea that the Bible is the be all, end all of how we're supposed to live our lives. Nevermind the fact it's been translated a thousand times, and each time the translator left out the good parts, so that what we're left with is the equivalent of a blind man's eyewitness account of a melon throwing.

    I loved your reaction - it was perfect in the face of such a fruitcake. :)

  2. Council of Nicea... Dead Sea Scrolls... oh, yeah, and COMMON #$%^&*() SENSE! What was amazing was that Mr. Truth wouldn't allow that the books had been censored or anything left out. But *I* hadn't studied theology. PMSL!

    What's funny, Meghan, is that my novel is also about being an ex-Catholic discovering her spirtiuality as a Neo-pagan--a lot of humor, a lot of spookiness, and a LOT of commentary.

  3. I love how "Christians" like to apologize for the wingnuts in their flock, and disavow themselves of any responsibility for their complicity in the creation of such individuals. Like the woman who used to cheat with a married man who once asked, "Isn't this going against your faith?"

    Her reply: "Oh, it's okay, I'm hiding from Jesus, that's all."

  4. I like to say that Democrats are like dogs--they shit wherever and don't always cover it up. Republicans are like cats (with apologies to felines, whom I adore)--they bury their shit deep, and you don't find it until it starts to really stink and don't know who to blame.

  5. I'd say more, but I think you've covered it all pretty well. So I'll just say "I concur".

    People suck.