Ever get annoyed? Ever feel like someone needs to be told where the dog died? Or handed a crowbar and a tub of Elbow Grease to help them pry their head out of their arse? Congratulations--you've come to the right place.

And when I'm not commenting on the latest thing to piss me off, I'm trying to figure out my own twisted life. Because, hey, I'm like that.

On a gentler note: for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, and other assorted bullshit: You are NOT alone.

And if you're looking for a laugh, search on the key word "fuckery." It's just my little thing (as the bishop said to the actress).

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Considering open relationships

I love my country, but I really think we should start seeing other people. - popular button
I actually don't own the button cited above, but I'm considering buying it. See, I do actually love my country--I think we have the greatest law code on the planet in the form of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights--however, I also feel like the American Empire is crumbling and going the way of ancient Rome. The barbarians aren't at the gates, though; we've atrophied and are crumbling from within.

I've always questioned authority and government; it comes from growing up in a family full of Kennedy Democrats. I have memories of Nixon on the television (Jack was a news junkie; if it wasn't sports on the damn telly, it was the news. Cable was the bane of our existence in Hell's Vestibule), and my grandfather hollering, "Impeach the bastard!" (If you ever wondered where I learned my habit of yelling at the TV and talking back to the radio, yeah--I acquired it from Jack.) After I started to make friends from other countries and actually get out of the U.S., I really got a taste of how the rest of the world views us.

And how myopic most Americans are.

It makes me sad. See, we used to be a great country--we used to be if not the best, at least we were pretty damn good.

Not any more. I haven't read up enough on the horrible incident in Arizona to comment too deeply, but it sounds like the incivility and immaturity that has dominated American political discourse hit home in a hail of bullets yet again. This isn't the first time (remember the church shootings last year, inspired by one of the right-wing morons?), and it's probably not going to be the last.

I'm a bit sick of it all.

The point is, so many of don't travel, don't explore and don't consider that maybe, just maybe, our way isn't the only way, and it shouldn't be the American Way or the highway.

Just a thought.

Now, this also got me to thinking about open relationships. (Yeah, I definitely have some form of ADD, but it's working for me.) I have never been a fan of them. My ex-husband wanted our marriage to be like that, and I said hell no, for a lot of reasons, some of them good and valid, some of them purely selfish and immature. On the selfish and immature side, I was incredibly insecure and jealous; competition was NOT happening, and any other woman he was interested in was competition--someone getting my piece instead of me. WEREN'T HAPPENIN'! On the valid side, well... I had no desire to end up with an STD, and honestly, Rick would stick his dick in anything that stopped long enough for him to whip it out. Because I was on chemical birth control, we didn't use anything else, and honestly... NO. I wasn't going to end up with my life destroyed because he fucked some skankrag and brought home an unwanted present.

How ironic is it that that is how I discovered he was fucking around? His condom supply had dwindled. At least he cared enough to keep it covered, eh?

Anyway, as I've gotten older and been faced with reality in its many forms, and found out that you can love someone and still fuck someone else (not me; I am sickenly monogamous when I'm with someone, even if I've been given permission to cheat--I'm such a bad liar and so forgetful, I can't juggle more than one lover if I have to actually be in a relationship with them). I won't say that I agree with infidelity or open relationships, but I understand at this point how it happens.

Internet sex is another poser in that realm. I know a number of people who get it on via the Interwebs, either using IM or email or text messages. None of them are physically stepping out on their partners, but there is still this other side...

I've really had to grapple with the ethics of this. On the one hand, I know that if it was my man, I would be PISSED. I mean, fucking furious and ready to snap his fingers. (Note, I said "ready to" NOT that I would do it. Contemplating violence is acceptable; committing violence is not.) On the other, how the hell does one person satisfy all of another person's needs? Is it really possible?

I'm really serious when I ask this question. I know the kind of stuff I fantasize about; I know how hardcore my desires can be. I also know that I am not willing to violate a partner's taboos for my own satisfaction. I've been in that position; when I was really young, it meant I ended up in situations that left permanent scars on my soul. When I got a little older, it meant that I was still manipulated and hurt and betrayed because I wouldn't negotiate. So there comes a point where I have to ask, is monogamy the right thing? And how do you define it?

I have no issue with porn. Seriously--I am all for it. Ditto for legalizing prostitution and making it an honorable profession. We have demonized sex stupidly, and it's a big part of the underlying problem in our society. The lack of acceptance of sexual desire and the classifying of anything beyond "normal" (i.e. missionary position sex) as deviant has caused more problems, and ditto, the demonization of homosexuality or anything beyond pure heterosexual relations.

So I'm just thinking about this. I don't know how I feel about it--I don't know if I could be in a physically open relationship (especially with my libido--I mean, I'm horny all the time; no way I'm sharing). But I think I'm ready to reconsider my views on the electronic side of things.

Just sayin'.


  1. Thats a really interesting post and something I cope with on a frequent basis. Not the horrific murder of political aides, school children and attempted assasinations. The sexy bit.

    I quite often fancy a piece of pie and then a cake but can be quite satisfied if my piece of pie is big enough. Food metaphors, hey? I am happy with the vanilla stuff with my DH if its frequent and loving but when the meters empty (as it has been for nearly three weeks) that piece of cake starts getting mighty tempting.

    On the pornography and prostitution front, as a member of the villainous non-heteronormative :P I completely agree on the legalisation and perhaps licensed prostitutes should work to relieve tensions in marriages and ease depression? Gotta be better than going out and getting wasted surely and it will help ease unemployment :D

  2. Yeah, I've been there, too. I mean, what DO you do when your libido is considerably higher than your partner's? It really is a poser.
    And Harry, you know my feelings on sexuality--as long as it's between two consenting adults, I don't give a rat's ragged arse who you're shagging. Love is love. Again, that's another part of the problem--too many people think they have the right to define what love should be. It's created not only horrific homophobia, but also stupid expectations from relationships.
    I know I don't have any answers, but I'm trying to find a reasonable position.
    I think England (and Canada) have much stricter legislation regarding pornography than we do over here. (And I've found that British men are considerably kinkier and far more open minded sexually than American men--from experience, mind you--which is also a bit of a trip.)
    *shakes head* Legalize it, legislate it, tax it, and everybody wins. :-)