Ever get annoyed? Ever feel like someone needs to be told where the dog died? Or handed a crowbar and a tub of Elbow Grease to help them pry their head out of their arse? Congratulations--you've come to the right place.

And when I'm not commenting on the latest thing to piss me off, I'm trying to figure out my own twisted life. Because, hey, I'm like that.

On a gentler note: for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, and other assorted bullshit: You are NOT alone.

And if you're looking for a laugh, search on the key word "fuckery." It's just my little thing (as the bishop said to the actress).

Friday, December 3, 2010

Blog Shog #1: A Startling Discovery!

Here at the Empress Labs, I am constantly searching for the answers to the questions that plague humanity.

Today, I have discovered the answer to an age old quandary--the female ability to multitask at (almost) all times vs. male inability to do so once a bloodrush to the dick is encountered.

There is an old saying that God gave men two heads and only enough blood for one to operate at once. Now... in utero, we begin development with identical sets of stuff, which once sex is determined, develop into discreet equipment i.e. internal ovaries vs. external testicles, penis vs. clitoris.

The head of the average dick takes considerably more blood to engorge vs. your average-sized (or even larger than average) clit.

Are we seeing the trail of logic here? So, because of physical construction, the joke is actually a TRUTH; and so men can't help being obsessed with sex and unable to multitask because they have not been physiologically equipped to do so, so therefore... they are cognitively handicapped due to physical limitations.

And therefore, if the heterosexual women reading (and the one writing) this blog ever want to get laid, we have to give them a break. Because while they are retarded at times, it just ain't their fault.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Friday (and I know I am never going to get laid again).

No comments:

Post a Comment