Ever get annoyed? Ever feel like someone needs to be told where the dog died? Or handed a crowbar and a tub of Elbow Grease to help them pry their head out of their arse? Congratulations--you've come to the right place.

And when I'm not commenting on the latest thing to piss me off, I'm trying to figure out my own twisted life. Because, hey, I'm like that.

On a gentler note: for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, and other assorted bullshit: You are NOT alone.

And if you're looking for a laugh, search on the key word "fuckery." It's just my little thing (as the bishop said to the actress).

Thursday, October 14, 2010

This I Choose To Do...

The title of today's post is taken from a crucial line in Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett. I love Sir Terry's books--he's an amazing writer who has always made me laugh and think--a powerful combination, and something I aspire to do with my own writing.

The quote is relevant to what's gone on over on Facebook over the past 36 hours. In my last post, "Imagine," I yammered about my distaste for organized religion, a post inspired by the reaction to a humor piece I linked to on FB. Well, I took some serious shit for it and the rest of this blog--some serious judgemental shit that included a slap at my "morals" (I don't have any; I have ethics) and my Celebricrush of the Moment, Jim Jefferies. (SO HIGH SCHOOL! I mentioned a few days ago all the shit I took for loving David Bowie back in high school--it was like a bad flashback. Didn't work then, didn't work now--you're still a god, Jim. ;-)

Now, when I started writing the more personal entries on this blog, I knew it would make some people uncomfortable. I knew it would upset some folks. I knew that; I accepted it. I'm not writing about easy things, and my style is full-on, no bullshit and confrontational, and I take no prisoners.

What that approach doesn't always convey is the level of compassion and understanding behind the harsh words. I get that the people who react the most violently to what I say--the people who really can't deal with it--are people who don't want to deal with it. I've touched a nerve in them, a place they don't want touched, and their response is to either snap back at me or run away.

And, honestly, that's OK. I mean, it's hurtful to me--don't get me wrong, I have feelings and I can be deeply hurt by the judgments of others--but at the same time, I also understand that not everyone can deal with what I have to say. I react the same way when someone hits a nerve in a sore spot I'm not prepared to have examined. I get that we all are in different places and dealing with different stressors, and we're not always ready to examine the feelings challenging statements can cause.

Am I going to apologize? Nope. I didn't do anything wrong. A couple of folks took something intended lightheartedly a little too damn seriously and over-reacted. I am NOT a religious person; I hate organized religion. Faith... faith is a different story. I respect people who live their faith. I may not understand it, I may not support it, but I do respect it. I have my own faith, my own spirituality. It works for me. It has nothing to do with dogma or morality--there are little rituals involved, but they're pretty losely organized and open-ended things. I don't hold with the serious ritual magic (or magick, whatever the fuck you want to call it) because I think, at bottom, it's silly.

I found Catholic ritual silly--fairly meaningless, honestly, but for some of the songs which are beautiful and can still move me to tears. That's ME--that's my truth. I don't require that it be anyone else's truth. If it works for you, fine. Whatever. Just do it for yourself and leave the rest of us out of it.

This is where my problem comes in--I am sick and fucking tired of religious people using their beliefs--BELIEFS, NOT FAITH--to hurt the rest of us. I'm sorry, but it's unConstitutional (and therefore, UNAMERICAN) to exclude anyone from the rights the rest of us enjoy based on your religious beliefs. There is nothing ethically wrong with homosexuality. There is nothing ethically wrong with non-Christian belief systems or spirituality. Just because it makes you uncomfortable or some old man across the ocean says it's immoral does not give you a right to pass legislation excluding someone.

End of story. Any law based in religious beliefs is a violation of the Constitution. What does that mean in real terms? Well, it means that marriage for same sex couples should be legal across America; however, it does not mean that churches who disagree with homosexuality have to marry same sex couples. OK? I'm not asking the Catholic Church (or any other, for that matter) to marry gays. I'm telling them to leave the civil side of things alone. I think that's a fair compromise. Let the civil side go forward; the religious side is up to the individual church.

I've reached the end of my patience with all of it, especially after being called "arrogant" (yep, I am--I own it, I'm good with it) and having judgment passed on my life. Get this very, very straight: I don't give a fuck what ANYONE thinks about me or my life. I am done caring about the opinions of others. The world can kiss my fat white ass--if you don't like how I think and who I am, get the fuck out of my life because I have no time for you. If I died right now and had to face the final judgment, I could do it with a clean conscience. I know what I've done, who I've wronged, and just as importantly, I know the good I've done in this world. When I shuffle off this mortal coil, the good will outweigh the damage, and while I have made mistakes, I have done whatever I could to rectify them and make amends where it was needed. I have tried to develop and use the talents I've been given. I challenge everyone reading this: CAN YOU SAY THE SAME? Are you living to your full potential?

I am done with ignorant, narrow-minded idiots who have never once stepped out of their safe little world--who never evolved beyond their own safe place. And if you're reading this and taking it personally, THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.

Remember that--everything in life is a choice. EVERYTHING. And if you're not happy with the choices you've made, do something about it.

"This I choose to do..." because I have to. Because I want to be free of the pain and the past, and because I accept who I am and what I need to fulfill my goals. If you can't accept that, that's YOUR choice and YOUR problem. This is who I am--it's who I've always been. I just finally woke up and embraced it.

Let's end this weighty entry on a cheesy note... I heard an old 80's song, a classic hair metal tune, the other day, and it hit me that it's still as applicable to me now as it was then... "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. Ahhhh, the fantabulous David Coverdale and his magnificent coif...
"Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone
But I've made up my mind
I ain't wastin' no more time..."

G'night, kids. Be kind to each other. Accept each other. And don't let the bastards grind you down.
Much love,
Your Empress

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