Don't Forget to Dance...

"Dan's a fan, and see all our shows... Don't want to spend my life livin' in a rock'n'roll fantasy..." "You walk down the street And all the young punks whistle at you A nice bit of vogue just goes to show what you can achieve with the right attitude As you pass them by, they whisper their remarks one to another And you give them The Eye even though you could be their mother You do the thing you love the most What separates you from the rest? And what you love to do the most And when they ask me how you dance, I'll say that you dance real close. Don't forget to dance..." Last week, my favorite (remaining) record store hit its 33rd b-day: Newbury Comics has been a part of the Boston landscape for 3/4 of my life, and all of my relevant musical life. I think I've only been in the original Newbury Street locale once (or twice). I bought my David Bowie tickets there--7th row for the Orpheum Theatre back in '97. I was just a few people back when the first show sold out; I thought it was going to Bruce in '87 all over again (I was THREE people away from the ticket window in sub-zero weather; I went home and cried like a jilted 13-year-old. Come to think of it, I FELT like a jilted 13-year-old). Then they added a second show... Glorious feeling. Scored those tickets and felt 14 all over again, just a kid in love with Bowie and rock'n'roll and gonna go see the show! I think that was my first (and only) Orpheum show. Yeah, yeah, I know, lived here all my fuckin' life, only seen one show in the Ahpheeum. (Yeah, slipped into Bawstinian again.) Been to Foxboro a buncha times... almost got crushed to death to see U2 back in '87... general seating on the floor, was just a couple of people away from the stage. That was FUCKIN' AWESOME! Joshua Tree tour... glorious. Cried a few times during their set, Bono was so ON. Pogues opened for that one, Pogues and Little Steven. Show was the ballz. Saw Bowie there... lemme think... three times, I think... '83 (that was with Maggie; my second concert evah... my mum drove us down because we were like 15 and 16 and naive Catholic school girls; totally sheltered. I still don't know how we talked her mum, Josie, into letting her go)... '87 for Glass Spider (overproduced, but still good), and 1990... 1990 was fuckin' A, too. The man is a GOD in concert. There's a portrait aging in an attic somewhere for him. Saw The Who there in '89. Holy fuckeroo, that was an AMAZING show... if religion had been like that, I'd have my own church, y'know? Roger Daltrey's voice filled that stadium with something pure and holy and glorious... and Pete, Pete one of the first Guitar Gods... Stones later that year were the biggest soddin' disappointment EVAH. Mouldering Bones, them, and they need to retire. Keith can keep playing, but for fuckssake, if Mick can't remember the lyrics (and he was reading them off a teleprompter), RETIRE, YA BORING OLD CUNT! Let's see... who else... oh, yeah, Floyd in '88 (or was that '87?). The River Rave back in 2002, just after it reopened as Gillette Stadium... Not a bad line-up, although I can't remember for shit who was there besides Jimmy Eat World (they were OK). Shit, just looked up the line up. Evidently, The Strokes played that show, along with Public Enemy (remember them), Sum 41 (kinda remember them), and Tenacious D. Tenacious D was fabulous. Utterly wrong, but fabooooo. U2 on the PopMart tour... (eh, although we did get to meet Bono in the parking lot.) I think there were more shows, but I can't remember. Back after 9-11, Newbury Comics was having a big back-to-school event across all the stores (remember, Bawstin is a huge college town), and Dickie Barrett from the Mighty Mighty Bosstones was signing down in Quincy. I was still trying to get my indie screenplay made at that point, and I'd written most of it while listening to "Question the Answers" (GREAT, AMAZING FUCKING ALBUM!). Dickie was a gentleman, just a stand-up kinda guy, because I asked if the Bosstones ever did a soundtrack--like music written specific for a movie. They'd contributed songs to soundtracks, but never done the music specific. He told me that if I got the movie made, to let them know, and they'd give me permission to use their stuff. And autographed the booklet for QtA with, "Good luck with the flick." Decent guy--that was a pretty bleak time, and he was incredibly kind and encouraging, saying he never thought he'd end up doing what he was doing for a living. Moments like that, they keep me slogging away when I'm ready to give it the fuck up. Newbury Comics wasn't always my favorite record store. I was a customer of Disc Diggers in Davis Square forever. I think 90% of my vinyl came from there. CD Spins was cool when I lived in Allston, ditto for Diskovery (which also had used books; HEAVEN!). I used to go to the Newburys in Harvard Square all the time back in high school. Got my coolest earrings there--zipper pulls. (This was before I was a serious DIY person.) And the black zigzags (I may still have one of them up in my jewelry box. Should look). And when I first got contacts, I got my mirrored wrap-around New Wave shades there. Gods, I loved those fuckin' shades. They were tha SHIT! :-D These days, I hit the Fresh Pond Newburys frequently enough to know most of the staff by name. Great bunch of kids... excellent customer service, and just NICE people. I know, I know... record stores are so passe. But not to me. I mean, OK, fine, the whole digital download thing is cool and eco-friendly and technically cheaper, but... OK, lemme share a story. I am STILL a fan of vinyl. I have ALL of my old vinyl still up in my attic. I also own a USB turn table so I can convert it all (because some of that is NEVER going to come out on CD, although The Fools' "World Dance Party" is, so I guess there's hope) at one point. The first time I bought CDs (one of 'em was the B-52's "Cosmic Thing"--considering seeing them with the Go-gos in June--another was Don Henley's "End of the Innocence"--both still great albums), I was at Disc Diggers, and I looked at the dude behind the counter, the guy who'd been waiting on me for years as I bought stacks of wax, hefted the bag with the three CDs in it, made my pouty face and wailed like a 3-year-old, "It just AIN'T THE SAME!" And Buddy nodded sadly and agreed completely. THIS is why I like record stores--the human interaction. The sharing of the love of music. The exchange, the laughter, the everything. So this dinosaur stomps into her local Newbury Comics (which has parking) at least once a week for my music, DVD, obnoxious pin, pop culture, toy, blind box, whatever fix. I even got my copy of "I Swear to God" from there. (Yeah, there's a Jim Jefferies reference for damn near everything. ;-) Because there is a little part of me that still lives that old rock'n'roll fantasy. There's a part of me that still hopes I die before I get old. At least in my soul. Today's quote is from the songs Rock'n'Roll Fantasy and Don't Forget to Dance by The Kinks. I had the horrible realization that I didn't have ANY of The Kinks on CD and bought a greatest hits compilation the other day at the Newbury Comics b-day sale. Listening to it right now, and it's making me very happy. Ray Davies has a voice that contains such sadness... such a resigned, "that's life" melancholy quality that is truly lovely, and the lyrics... well, The Kinks were always awesome lyrically. Anyone has a copy of "Give the People What They Want" on CD they want to get rid of, let me know.

Dear Steven Tyler,

In light of your recent rectal-cranial inversions, I have three VERY important words for you:

1. DAVID
2. LEE
3. ROTH

Remember him? Quite possibly one of the greatest front men, bar none, to ever strut his well-toned arse in front of a kick-ass rock'n'effin'roll band. After creating some of the most memorable original and cover tunes of the 80's--ahhhh, the 80's, heyday of hard rock--he got his head lodged firmly between his aforesaid well-toned buttocks and made the mistake of giving the proverbial finger (or it may have been the actual thing, considering we're discussing Diamond Dave) and quit. Had an interesting (but less-than-stellarly-successful) solo career, made a complete ass of himself, and was eventually invited back to the band after everyone stopped caring.

Why am I pointing this out to you, oh venerable front man of the Bad Boys from Boston, one half of the duo formerly known as the Toxic Twins, and lead singer of the band widely considered the U.S.'s version of the Rolling Stones?

Because, quite frankly, Steven, you're acting dumber than Dave back in the 80's, and he was blonde then (albeit, a bottle blonde), and honestly, you're neither as sexy nor as kick-ass as he was then. The years have taken their toll, and it looks like rehab didn't help you to come back to Planet Reality.

See, in case you've forgotten, you're in a band. You're the lead singer--the frontman--and the name of the band is "Aerosmith." Not Steven Tyler and Aerosmith, not Aerosmith featuring Steven Tyler, and certainly not The Steven Tyler Brand Band.

It's Aerosmith.

And it's about bloody time you stopped acting like an aging drama queen circa Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard and remembered that.

Once upon a time, Aerosmith was quite possibly the greatest frickin' rock'n'roll band on the planet. Being a local kid, Aerosmith is a rite of passage, a Necessary Band--a band you HAD to love and think was cool in order to garner a certain level of respect and credit with your friends. I will never forget Steve Goldy coming into class telling us all how he'd staked out the recording studio on Lowell Street the night before (where you guys were recording Done With Mirrors--totally underrated album, BTW) and getting to meet Joe Perry. He may even have said he would never wash that hand again (he did; he's a politician and a father now and has to).

I remember when Joe would bring his girlfriend down to the Star (pronounced "Stah Mahkit") in Porter, and the girls I worked with in Decelles staking out the dairy aisle (my mother once passed him by the milk; she didn't know she'd had a brush with greatnest).

I remember having the sex of my life (with my [now late and ex] husband) after the New Year's Day show at the Garden (the OLD Garden, the REAL Garden) in 1990.

In short, I remember when y'all were a band.

Why am I saying this? Well, of late, you've REALLY been acting like an asshole.

There, it's said. A rock star. A diva. A jackass. A lot of my friends who were hardcore (seriously--Aeroforce members, people who wouldn't blink before shelling out megabucks for meet & greet tickets) who now would rather see Draw the Line than an Aerosmith show. After reading the bit in the Herald (yeah, yeah, I know, a rag so bad the cat won't shit in the box if you line it with it) about American Idol and your attitude, and the piece in the latest edition of Rolling Stone...

I am depressed, Steven. And sorely disappointed in you. (And I need to tell you--we've known for over two decades you were jealous of Joe's solo projects--note that word: "projects"--not SOLO ALBUM, but "solo projects." It means working with people, not expecting them to work FOR you. Think about it, bud.)

Wake up, man. Forget about "Brand Tyler"--no one wants it. The fans want Aerosmith, the kick-ass rock'n'roll band that fueled our teenage lust and cranked our hormones. We want the cleaned up Toxic Twins working it together and showing the world that, old or not, they're still the Bad Boys we've known, loved and supported for decades.

And going back to the comparison to The Stones (or the Mouldering Bones, as I call them)--don't emulate them. Don't follow their example. Keith Richards needs to grow a sac and kick Mick's ass (if only he'd had half of Joe's backbone and stayed mad when Dick Jackoff was knighted... *sigh* the world would be a better place). Don't rip off your fans with half-assed bullshit.

You're better than that.

Sincerely,
Your Disgruntled and Disappointed Fan
Riz, Empress

http://www.gocomics.com/bloomcounty/2008/05/26/