A Call NOT to Pray

"It doesn’t matter who you call “God”; what matters is how you conduct yourself in this world."

In the aftermath of Sandy Hook, I’m seeing a lot of calls upon God and to return prayer to school.

This bothers me. A lot.

The call is coming from Christians (at least it is on my news feed). 

Prayer does not have a place in the public school, at least not in our current climate.  Prayer means different things to different people, and my question to you is this:  your child is from a Christian family; however, the predominant religion in their classroom is Buddhism. What prayer should be said in the morning?  The “Our Father” for the ONE Christian child, or should there be a Buddhist meditation session?  The American principle of “majority rule”—after all, that is how we vote, and this is a public institution, paid for with public money and the budget determined by a POLITICAL body, so therefore, it is a political issue that should be determined by political rules—would dictate that the morning begin with a Buddhist meditation session:  a little incense, a mantra repeated… What if the predominant religion in the classroom is Judaism?  Islam? 

Do you see the mess this creates?

I went to Catholic schools for my twelve years of basic schooling; every day started with a prayer and the God-included Pledge of Allegiance.  My religion was dictated to me; I had religion classes every day.  Five months after that education ended, my affiliation with the Church ended, at least in my mind.  I took a couple of years to make it “official,” because I don’t believe in rash decisions about something so deep, but it ended because of a rational decision making process, a well-reasoned internaldebate, and the fact that it came down to one thing:  to be a Catholic, you have to vote the party line. You have to play by ALL of the rules.  There were too many things I did not believe, did not accept, and so, because while I have never accepted Jesus as a god-figure, I have always respected and followed him as a philosopher.  The one group Jesus had no truck with was hypocrites.  To call myself a “Catholic” and not play by the rules was to be a hypocrite and in direct violation of one (what I perceived to be) Jesus’s core values; ergo, I was no longer a Catholic.

Because I am an American, I had the option of other spiritualities and other faiths.  I had access to lots of information and could research.  I educated myself and made my choices.  Because of the research, I also became acutely aware of the efforts of certain groups to influence public opinion.  Because I am no longer a member of the mainstream, I became ACUTELY aware of the prejudices of EVERY group, my own umbrella group (and “Pagan” is a label that is an umbrella for a myriad of spiritualities) included.

“Prayer” is a very personal concept and the definition and execution thereof differs from person to person, never mind from tradition to tradition.  In Catholic school, we stood and folded our hands and bent our heads.  Muslims spread mats and prostrate themselves.  Some Pagans light incense on an altar and meditate.  There are as many ways to pray as there are people on this earth. 

Do you see the problem? 

There are two sides to kids:  one side is the side we cherish:  the lovely, happy, sweet darlings who are growing and developing and amaze us. The other is the side we despise:  the bullying, judgemental, evil little gobshites who tease, harass, beat up and otherwise torture each other. 

I was one of those kids who was bullied constantly, beat up, harassed, teased and made miserable by other kids.  The principal and teachers did nothing to protect me or prevent it, despite the fact that I was in a Catholic school and what was being done to me was against the very principles of the philosophy of the school.  I was different—I was the child of a single, divorced mother who lived in the Projects (at least for the first four years I was in elementary school), and most of the kids hurting me were from more affluent families.

Prayer in school—religion classes—didn’t make a damned bit of difference to their actions or behavior. For me, however, it did make a difference. I was far more thoughtful in my decision making, and how I treated others, especially as I got older.  I obsess about ethics rather than morals because morals can find a way to excuse and defend any level of disgusting behavior done in the name of what the moralizer calls “moral.”  Ethics, however, are exactly about conduct and right-action. My mother, as a parent, is quite possibly the most ethical human being I've ever known, and it was her example I followed.  I can only imagine that those other kids were living out their parents examples, their parents who were good, Church-going Catholics, in good standing with the principal and pastor of the parish.  

See what I'm getting at? 

What we DO need isn’t about prayer or religion. What we need is personal responsibility and awareness.  It doesn’t matter who you call “God”—be it the Christian God, the Judaic Yahweh, the Islamic Allah, or even Odin the All-Father—what matters is how you conduct yourself in this world.  As adults, it means the example you set for your kids because, folks, your behavior is what they will emulate, and if you tell them one thing but behave in another, all the prayer in the world won’t make a damned bit of difference.  They’re going to do as you do when it matters most, and think about that VERY carefully, my friends.  VERY carefully.  Do you want your kids kicking people when they’re down?  Or offering them a hand up? 

I may not have any children of my own, but I have quite a few of them in my life.  As someone who’s been a teacher (and who’s heading back into that profession) and a mentor, I am acutely aware that what I say and how I behave make a difference.  Words have power, but words backed with action have impact. 

Make an impact, my friends. Live your words. And pray that you find the strength to be the best person you can be. 

Blog Shog: Don't Judge Me...

Hey, didya ever wonder if the Bible and the Fundies got it wrong and Judgement Day is really just going to be run like a beauty pageant?
That would be my idea of Hell.

Dear Jesus... Two VERY Different Conversations

Or, Why I REALLY HATE Religion

Death: Humans need fantasy to *be* human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Susan: With tooth fairies? Hogfathers?
Death: Yes. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies.
Susan: So we can believe the big ones?
Death: Yes. Justice, mercy, duty. That sort of thing.
Susan: They're not the same at all.
Death: You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and sieve it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world. As if there is some, some rightness in the universe, by which it may be judged.
Susan: But people have got to believe that, or what's the point?
Death: You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Dear Jesus,
Could you have a direct word with your followers and remind them about the One Commandment? And that to be one of your followers, they're supposed to follow that ONE Commandment? Or, better yet, tell them the truth about the censoring of the Bible, the truth about your life (especially those missing years), and the fact that they weren't supposed to make a separate religion out of it?
Many thanks,
Empress

So, I had an interesting weekend. It seems that even when I'm not trying to get into trouble, I get into trouble. Now, I've mentioned that I am a Neopagan--that while I believe in God, I really feel like He needs friends, and I like having a man to argue with who doesn't argue back. It doesn't work in a real, face-to-face relationship, but it gives me the illusion/delusion that I'm not talking to myself.

I used to be a Catholic. Scratch that--I was never a Catholic, but I was raised Catholic and realized after graduating from Catholic school that the reason I never quite fit in is because I didn't believe the dogmatic bullshit. For the record, I don't believe in Jesus Christ as a God figure. I love his philosophy--it jives with several other philosophies that I think are worth living by--and I generally respect his message. HOWEVER... I also accept that he has been used across two millennia as both an agent of civilization and oppression, and that clever men have manipulated that message and history for their purposes.

That is historical fact.

I also accept that we all need beliefs and superstitions. I get that--I have a shitload of my own, and I get that most of them are security blankies--my way of insulating myself against the ugliness of reality. I included the exchange from Hogfather because I think Sir Terry got it right--belief is the essence of being human. It's just that some of us take our beliefs a little too far. Allow me to elucidate.

I was late leaving work on Friday because I stopped by the desk to chat a sec with one of my favorite student workers, Tess. Tess is awesome--aside from the fact that she's brave enough to venture on a jaunt to the Asshole of the Northeast with me to see Celebricrush--she's just a fabulous person. Now, two other students were having a convo, and I couldn't help but listen because it was a GREAT convo--convos like this are the reason I LOVE working in academia because every so often, I get to witness (and take part in) a REAL exchange of ideas--people listening and sharing and discussing--the free exchange of ideas--with civility and respect. What was even more awesome was that Lex and Chris invited us into the conversation. It started with single parenthood and went on to feminism, language, racism, and ended with a handshake on the steps.

I LOVE THAT. Convos like that are food for my soul--nourishing, uplifting, joyful, stimulating and just AWESOME. I left here happy and feeling fabulous, my faith in humanity renewed.

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. I overslept Saturday morning, missed Jason Ciaramella's comic scripting seminars (both of them) at the Brockton NE Comics (majorly annoyed, considering the next writing project after the rewrite is finished is taking a hack at adapting Tory's MS for a manga), as well as getting my hair cut (which it needs desperately). It also put me behind schedule for Getting Things Done--I had a long list that included working out, hitting the supplement store, getting coffee, taking Mum on errands, and running a few of my own before getting home by 8:00 in order to finish up the Lurve Monkeys for etsy.

Sooooooooooooo... I finally made it to the supplement store around 4:30. A friend is running this side of a new business, and I'm psyched because he always give great advice without trying to rip people off. He knows how strapped I am budget-wise, BUT he also knows that I'm hoping for some serious success in the gym PLUS all of my allergy issues, so I can trust Lou's advice (and I will be giving the store a plug in my next "promotes" post). So, I have my selections and he's ringing me up, and there's this old guy leaning against the counter, talking away, and of course, I get pulled into the convo, talking about how long we've known Lou, yadda yadda.

Well, of course, the talk shifts to politics, and it becomes almost immediately obvious that this gent and I are on POLAR opposites of the political spectrum. When I politely make this clear, he tries to hand it off to Lou, who clearly states that he and I have agreed not to talk politics because we are friends and want to stay that way. Lou and I agreed years ago to agree to disagree and not try to sway each other. It's about respect.

Then it gets interesting, because Old Guy is NOT gonna let it go. He pulls another guy over--"Here, let me introduce you to my friend, HE knows all about the TRUTH."

I should have RUN. Instead, I continue to be polite. Mistake: turns out Mr. Truth is a Tea Partier. And a fundamentalist Xtian. Who has studied theology. Who KNOWS Jesus. Who tells me that I don't know Jesus, I haven't studied theology (and yeah, the idiot did NOT know where I work), I don't know the Bible, and the list went on.

I finally said, once I'd been told that I was WRONG, that I was getting out of the conversation because he was being uncivil and not listening and I was walking away. And I did.

Stop fainting--I was in a friend's place of business, I was dealing with old people, I was not going to start cussing him out and making a scene. I modeled my beliefs--I remained civil, polite, and walked the fuck away to look at the menu for the restaurant this place is attached to. Mr. Truth continued to yammer and gesture to Old Guy about how wrong I was, and eventually, they walked out. I tried to look at the menu, but my appetite was gone at that point. I turned around, said good-bye to Lou, and headed for my car. I opened the door to hear Mr. Truth say, "She seems like a really nice lady, but she's WRONG."

I grin, shake my head, and start to descend the stairs. To have Mr. Truth suddenly in my face, trying to evangelize me, reiterating how I don't know The Truth. At which point I say, "There is no single truth. Truth is subjective."

And he freaks. FREAKS. "There's only ONE TRUTH!!!"

Me: "No, there's three sides to the truth: yours, mine, and somewhere in the middle, is fact."

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

I walk away while he blathers and yammers. He continues to shout at me while I walk to my car.

I turn and tell him, "Go in peace," and do the yoga half-bow, hands together with just the fingertips touching.

"YOU GO IN PEACE, TOO!"

What brings me up short is this: "YOU'LL NEVER KNOW JOY BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW JESUS!"

I stop, standing by the door of my car, looking at him with a look that clearly conveys the fact that he has grown four extra heads and I'm trying to comprehend it. I have been rendered speechless. Seriously. Speechless. He repeats himself. And repeats himself as he disappears between his vehicle and an SUV.

Old Guy is standing there, watching me, waiting for my reaction.

And finally, my face splits into a grin, and I say to Old Guy, "Get him a good psychiatrist, willya? He's crazy!" I wave, bust a gut laughing as I get into my car, and I can hear Mr. Truth's voice dopplering over that I'm the crazy one and he doesn't need a shrink, he's got Jesus.

Yeah.

*slams head on the desk*

Being me, I posted the statement to the Twitverse & FB: Evidently, I can never know joy because I don't know Jesus." I also had to call a couple of my Fellow Faithless, the Fabulous Alicia and Vicki and have a damn good laugh with them. Leesh explains that her hubby used to have a roommate named Joy, and she knew her pretty well, so she's OK, and we conclude that I just need to meet someone named Joy. Vicki and I just shake our heads and laugh. I went to the gym, still amused, and got in a good (if short) workout. The FB exchange was pretty good, and of course, I had to tell St. Teresa when I got home because I was still trying to process this insanity. She had the best reply (and remember that St. T. is a good Catholic and real Christian): "How the hell can you know him? HE'S DEAD!"

Yeah, I actually inherited my sarcasm and lack of tolerance for the morons from her.

Had a laugh in Sbux over it with the baristas AND the clients. I got mileage, let me tell ya. I actually had to watch I Swear to God yesterday for a dose of Jim Jefferies's atheism and common sense as an antidote to the rabid Xtianity that had infected my day. How fucking sad is it that the atheists and Neopagans know more about Xtianity and Jesus's philosophy and religion than the people who claim to believe? And to tell me that I hadn't studied theology when the fucker didn't even know my name, never mind my background. *slams head on the desk* THIS is why I HATE people--I really tried to give him a chance, but the idiot wouldn't give me a chance to get a word in.

And I know why--it's not because Mr. Truth trusts his belief. I always find that argument amusing--that it's because a person is SO INFUSED with their FAITH they MUST share it with you. BULLSHIT. It's because they have so little faith they need to shout down the rest of the world lest a little fucking common sense and intelligence worm its way in and create doubt. It's the ultimate form of insecurity--they have so little grounding, they have to shove what little bit of meaning they've found down the throat of others. I hate it. Jesus wept, I have so many fucking insecurities, but I have enough faith in myself and my spirituality to give others the space to be who they are and believe what they need to.

Gimme the same fucking courtesy, willya? Don't look down on me as some poor, uneducated, deluded fool, and I'll give you the same respect, ferfuckssake.

I'm still baffled by it, but for me, it really sums up the difference between the right and the left these days (and it's not an original conclusion): the Right believes that it is RIGHT and leaves no room for discussion. The left concedes that the Right has a right to believe what it does, has a some valid points, but isn't seeing the whole picture.

I'm in the middle--there are people who will tell you that I'm not, but it's not the truth. See, while I have seriously liberal leanings, I also have a fair measure of common sense. I belong to the Coffee Party because I believe in what they're doing--they're working towards civil dialogue. That's all I want. I'm sick of rhetoric, bullshit, bullying, and outright lies. I'm tired of the truth being twisted. I'm tired of the conspiracies and the conspiracy theories. I'm FUCKING TIRED, PEOPLE. It's fucking time we all got along and played nice. Either that, or Washington and the lobbies and the bureaucrats need to be wiped off the planet, let a little anarchy in, and rebuild. I'm done.

(That being said, let it be noted that I am not one of these extremists that has a stockpile of weapons--chemical or firearms--at home who would act on such an insane premise. What has been stated above is HUMOR--BLACK HUMOR, CYNICISM. And it makes me very sad and lose hope that I have to make a statement like this on this blog because my country has forgotten sanity and civility and is going the way of ancient Rome--once a beautiful civilization worth respect and glory, now a crumbling ruin of inanity, excess and extremity.)

So in conclusion... Argh. To be Christlike, consider the above parable-ish. If you find yourself dealing with someone with an opposing viewpoint, LISTEN. CONSIDER. You don't have to change your beliefs or your faith, but at least allow that the other person has a right to their own truth.

Doing what Mr. Truth did to me on Saturday is how wars start. How Christlike is that?

The Cloak of Hypocrisy

"I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Mohandas Gandhi

Yesterday was the day to wear purple in support of those who have been lost because of bullying. I didn't wear purple because I discovered I don't have any in my wardrobe. Who knew? So I'm writing this instead and encouraging everyone to support Dan Savage's "It Gets Better" Campaign because GLBTG kids need to know that not everyone out there is a fucking hate-filled moron; that there are good people who will love them and accept them for who they are. And because the yahoos need to get the message that they need to CUT THE SHIT. Mob behavior like that is for Nazis, not intelligent human beings, and bullies... *grrrrr*

Anyway, something has been sticking in my craw over the past week, and I finally realized what it was: hypocrisy.

Yeah.

My best friend Vicki introduced to me to today's quote, and I truly love it. It's better than Gandhi's comment about Western Civilization ("I think that would be a good idea!"). I had a hard go at religion last week, and the more I think about it, the more I feel like I was too soft on the hypocrites.

See, whenever someone wants to get away with saying something that will expose their prejudices, they start their sentence with one of the two following clauses:
"I'm not prejudiced, BUT..."
"I have PLENTY of friends who are insert group here..."

Both of those bastard phrases were used at me last week. They're bullshit. You ARE prejudiced; you are being narrow-minded, you ARE WRONG, so just own it and shut the fuck up because you're embarrassing yourself in public.

Now, I have used these phrases at various times in my life. The first one has been around for a while--it's the one that really got popular when political correctness became rampant. The other one has been a phrase white people have used for a looooooong time to cover up that they are scared as hell of anyone not from their color/nationality/religion/social class/etc.

And they're both BULLSHIT.

For fuck's sake, WE ARE ALL PREJUDICED. EVERYONE--I don't care what color you are, what higher power you do or don't believe in, how much money you have, where you're from, who you sleep with--EVERY HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET OVER THE AGE OF 9 MONTHS IS PREJUDICED. Learning to discriminate one thing from another is one of the first things babies do--little babies KNOW who Mom is, and most of 'em know who Dad is, too. Discrimination is the beginning of the learning process, and in and of itself, is not a bad thing.

It becomes a bad thing when it's used to penalize, exclude, hurt, whatever, others.

Allow me to be concrete:

Natural, acceptable discrimination:
Example 1 - Objects: There is a blue shirt and a green shirt. I chose the green shirt because I like green better--it makes me feel warm and goes well with my coloring.
Example 2 - People: There are two people standing across the street. One is my mother; the other is a clown. I walk over and give my mother a hug because I have, through the power of discrimination, determined that she is the person known to me, and I can do this.

Learned, unacceptable discrimination:
Example 1 - Objects: There are two rare, autographed books sitting on my coffee table. One belongs to me; the other is the property of my ex. My ex's is in better condition because he is semi-illiterate and has never cracked open the book; he just got it signed for the ebay potential. I keep the pristine copy and sell the crappier one and keep the money. (Yeah, I know, I'm reaching here; give me a break.)
Example 2 - People: Person A belongs to a group I find unacceptable for irrational reasons (color of skin, religion, sexual orientation). I take steps to curtail their Constitutional rights.

Now, I've been labeled a liberal by many (and sometimes, I'll own it myself), but I'm not, really. I'm not really even a Democrat. I'm a Rational Anarchist. What does that mean? It means that I hate rules, but at the same time, I understand the need for some of them. In short, it means I believe in common sense, something that just doesn't seem to exist these days in great supply.

How does that translate? Well, it means that I think you should use things like turn signals and observe speed limits in populated areas. It means I think you should stop and think before you open your mouth. It means I think you have a right to believe in what you believe in, but you don't have a right to force it on anyone else. You've a right to your opinion (though no right to being taken seriously).

It also means that I think you have a responsibility to the world around you and to yourself. It means that you have to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions and behavior. It means that if you say stupid shit to me and expect me to back down because you've taken something seriously that wasn't meant that way, you need your head examined.

I work in Political Correctness Central--I work in a university in Cambridge, MA, a place where we have tissues, not issues. A place where I learned to hate feminism even more than I already did because of the way a great idea was bastardized and destroyed by a bunch of hypocritical women who suffered from bad cases of denial, ignorance, and white guilt, and who had extensive educations to give them words to hide behind. And I have seen what happens when a minority gets uncontrolled power and how corrupt it can be--I saw a number of good people lose their jobs because they were the wrong gender or orientation, so NO ONE is innocent. Israel is a good example of this--they learned Hitler's lesson from the Holocaust really well and have nothing to be proud of. (And before you call me an anti-Semite, note I said "Israel," NOT Jews--my ex-husband was Jewish, and I experienced anti-Semitism up close and personal as it was assumed I was as well. My point is that every human being is capable of being an oppressor if they do not maintain awareness of their fears and remembers to THINK FOR THEMSELVES.)

Political correctness started out as a good idea--watch the hate language, think about what you say--but quickly devolved into just another bastard form of racism. Sorry, kids, but if you're saying "African American," but still thinking the n-bomb (I really DON'T use that word--I'll say "cunt" without thinking, but only use the n-bomb when I'm talking about my own people), you're really not doing anyone any favors.

Political correctness--or, as I like to call it, intellectual Naziism--has forced prejudices underground and prevented people from speaking freely. It's created more prejudice and problems than any hate speech ever did. And while I don't think using racial/social/sexual slurs is appropriate or acceptable, I'd rather hear someone come out and say it than get that sidelong lying look on their face, and say, "Well, I'm not prejudice, BUT those people..."

As for claiming to have friends who are from the group you are discriminating against... tell me, if that person is your friend, why won't you grant them the same rights you enjoy? What is the difference between denying a gay person the right to marry and racial segregation? You are telling another human being that, because of a condition beyond their control--a PHYSICAL difference from you--they aren't good enough to be treated like a full citizen. There's no logic to it, there's no rational reason to it--it's a decision based purely in prejudice, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Now, I am NOT claiming innocence here. I learned almost every racial slur I know at home, most of them from my grandfather. My mom, however, had friends from all walks of life--she had friends across the spectrum and taught me from the beginning the necessity of tolerance and acceptance. However... we ARE Boston Irish, and a more exclusionary, isolationist, racist group of white people are pretty damned hard to find. Mum didn't escape all of her conditioning; neither did I. That is not a justificiation of wrong-doing--it's a statement of fact. The other side of that statement is that, since becoming an adult, I have done my best to be aware of my prejudices and NOT act on them--to rise above bigotry and stupidity and be the person I think I should be, not the person I was taught to be.

I don't always succeed; that's not possible. I'm not perfect. The positive thing that's come out of it is a driving need to understand hatred--fear is the base of it all: fear of the Other, fear of what is different, fear of what we've been taught is WRONG. And the fear we feel when we recognize what we dislike or distrust in the Other in ourselves--human denial. That's at the very bottom level of homophobia, especially in men in this society. We teach our boys to fear anything soft inside themselves, to be as "masculine" (whatever the fuck that means; I still don't get the false concept of feminity so many people try to shove on girls), and that to feel anything tender towards another man is BAD, never mind any kind of attraction.

It's stupid, dangerous, and it's costing lives, and bringing out the very worst in people, and I am bloody fucking sick of it. Listen to a child cry because they've been told, "you can't be gay and live in my house." Watch the face of a beautiful young man you know twist as he fights between accepting who he is and the shame that's been put on him by his family. Hear the bitterness in a friend's voice when they tell you how their parents no longer speak to them because they came out... then tell me your prejudice is correct. Don't be surprised if I spit in your face. I am tired of seeing these beloved children and friends hurting because of the ignorance and fear in others. GROW UP AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

Claiming to not be prejudiced--in the case last week, homophobic--and then trying to limit the civil rights of a group of people because of your religion is an act of homophobia. Sorry, it is. Claiming you can't be seen as homophobic because you have gay friends and love them is also bullshit--if you love them, why won't you grant them the same civil rights as you enjoy? It's already been proven that sexual orientation is not a choice--it's hardwired in the brain. If our society wasn't so twisted up about sex and so stupidly uptight and obsessed with it, this might not be a problem, but because the rules the religions operate on were created by human beings (and some really FUCKED UP human beings; this is where being a historian with a fair grounding in psychology comes in handy--human denial of humanity and sheer hypocrisy in the religions have caused more pain and agony than anything on the planet. I give away no secrets here).

As I stated last week, I'm not asking the various churches and religions to sanction homosexuality and perform same-sex marriages if it really does go against their beliefs, but don't tell me you're a Christian and a follower of Christ if you hold to that because you're not--Christ NEVER came out against homosexuality--NEVER--and hey, when you hang out and travel with twelve other men, it would be a bit hypocritical, eh? Especially if you believe the expurgated version of the Jesus story that would have you believe him unmarried. Thirteen normal men, traveling around together, sleeping together... *stands back and warms self at the fire I have just thrown gasoline on*

See, sex isn't a sin. It's not--it's a part of being human. It's natural, it's normal. All the rules that we've put around it? Bullshit, honestly. Just social crap that's been forced down our throats. It's the prejudices and fears that others have developed and passed down that have become ingrained. I'm a historian--I've researched it. Want to know when the Church came out seriously against homosexuality? Happened after the Plague, when too many of the men in Italy (I think it was Venice, but I might be wrong--it's been a few years since that class) were spending too much time in the brothels which were staffed by both male and female artists (and if anyone knows how to prevent or disable a pregnancy, it's a professional who can't be out of action to make a living) and not enough on rebuilding the population.

The government of the city-state cooperated in this because they needed bodies for the army because they were always waging war back then. There was no real separation of Church and state--you bowed to the Pope or you were excommunicated. It took Martin Luther's 95 Theses and Henry VIII's dick before Europe found its backbone.

Outlawing prostitution made sense up until the later half of the 20th century when reliable birth control and disease prevention became a reality, and crime statistics have proven that legalized prostitution cuts down the sex crimes. Now? Now, it's just old prejudices and fear keeping women in a place of powerlessness and poverty.

Abortion is another issue that drives me up the wall. I would love to see the need for abortion to disappear--for a universally effective and universally available means of birth control (aside from abstinence because, after the age of 18, it's bullshit and a denial of humanity) to become available, for that to happen it would mean that universal, common sense-based sex education would need to happen. You know, the kind that involves information: this is what sex is, this is what happens, these are the possible consequences, these are the REAL odds, with no fear, no paranoia, just INFORMATION and treating kids like they're intelligent human beings capable of making sensible decisions for themselves. I don't think kids should be having sex before 18; high school is complicated enough without throwing fucking into the mix. I lost my virginity to date rape at 16, and I was stupid enough to want to prove to myself that it didn't hurt me, and I was fine. Sex can wait, but the only way a kid can make that decision is to be given clear, simple information without all the bullshit.

Think I'm wrong on that one? Allow me to share: when she was about 14, myself and my friend Keith took my niece, Sammi (who is now 21 and utterly fabulous), out for coffee. We got on the topic of substances and substance abuse. I was honest with her that yes, I drink at times and occasionally smoke weed; however, I also made it clear that I smoked for the first time when I was in my 20's and already knew my limits, and that I never did it unless I knew I wasn't driving and I was in a safe place with people I trusted. Also made it clear that I didn't touch any other substances. At which point, Keith and I started telling her stories about people we'd known who'd done all of that crap and what happened to them.

Sam sat back, looked at the two of us and said, "If my parents had put it like that, it would have totally made sense! They just said, 'DON'T DO IT,' but didn't tell me why!"

Now, to be fair, this is what she remembered them telling her. Also, I am NOT her mother--I have a remove and a freedom her with her that her mother doesn't because of the role she has to play in her life, so this is not a criticism of her parenting style. I have the Aunt's Advantage--I could send Sam home and didn't have to live with her. ;-) I didn't ask for the other side because she got the message we were trying to get across to her: keep clean until you're of age because substances can really fuck you up if you don't know your limits and don't play safe. By being honest and up front and giving concrete reasons and examples, by respecting her intelligence and ability to make a good decision--in short, by treating her with the same respect we expected from her--we were able to give guidance rather than creating a climate of fear (and the rebellious curiosity that comes out of it).

By not framing it as "sin" or "wrong," but as a part of life and a choice she had the power to make, Sam was given power over her own fate.

"Love the sinner; hate the sin" was quoted at me last week. The problem is what some people consider "sin," I don't. A "sin" involves deliberately causing harm to yourself or another. It involves intention and action. It isn't about how you think, so long as you're aware of destructive thought patterns. Sin... sin is a human concept, like "god" and "religion" and "beliefs." We created it to keep people in line to prevent them from hurting each other and make it possible to live side by side. The common sense rules about not murdering, not stealing, not cheating--they make sense. The other crap--about honoring a god and parental figures--not so much. Those rules are about submission--control. "Do what I tell you to, OR ELSE!" Bastard rules, the kind you give a small child when they're misbehaving. (And sometimes, absolutely necessary--there comes a point when an authority figure does have a right to say, "Because I say so!" but it needs to be used lightly and carefully or it just becomes an arbitrary attempt at controlling another human being for your own pleasure. It's all about balance.)

Trying to control how another person behaves or thinks--trying to force them into conformity--is an admission of your own powerlessness and fear. It's an admission of your own inadequacy and ignorance.

So, as I've said before, I don't give a rat's ragged ass if you think the same way I do. I'd prefer that you're intelligent enough and mature enough to think through your prejudices and reason out whether or not you're doing right by others by trying to control them and prevent them from enjoying the same rights you do.

And if what I'm saying is making you angry--if it's making you feel defensive, or hatred towards me... go back and read what I wrote above about that reaction. You're letting your fear rule you. It's not me you hate ; it's the dark places and doubts inside yourself that you aren't ready to accept. What you hate me for is pointing them out to you.

Judge me as you will, but don't be surprised if I throw it back in your face. I am who I am--flaws and fabulousness, brilliance and stupidity, arrogance and wisdom. I know what I've done in this life and who I've done it with or done it to. I know what I am willing to do, and what I am not. I have a strict code of ethics and honor--not morals. I don't love everyone in this world; there are a fair few people I hate with a passion and would gladly carve out their hearts with a spoon. But then, I'm not a Christian. I'm just a human being. My Higher Power is a sensible one who accepts me for myself and only demands that I do my best and make amends when I wrong and take my laurels when I excel; and also, that I try to accept others for who they are; that I take right action, not act on my desires and self-gratification alone.

In short, like every other god, created in my own idealized image.

BTW, today's pic is of a magnet offered by Northern Sun, a progressive accessory company. Pop over to www.northernsun.com for awesome shirts, magnets, buttons, stickers and other cool stuff that let the world know you've got a brain and aren't afraid to use it.

This I Choose To Do...

The title of today's post is taken from a crucial line in Wintersmith by Terry Pratchett. I love Sir Terry's books--he's an amazing writer who has always made me laugh and think--a powerful combination, and something I aspire to do with my own writing.

The quote is relevant to what's gone on over on Facebook over the past 36 hours. In my last post, "Imagine," I yammered about my distaste for organized religion, a post inspired by the reaction to a humor piece I linked to on FB. Well, I took some serious shit for it and the rest of this blog--some serious judgemental shit that included a slap at my "morals" (I don't have any; I have ethics) and my Celebricrush of the Moment, Jim Jefferies. (SO HIGH SCHOOL! I mentioned a few days ago all the shit I took for loving David Bowie back in high school--it was like a bad flashback. Didn't work then, didn't work now--you're still a god, Jim. ;-)

Now, when I started writing the more personal entries on this blog, I knew it would make some people uncomfortable. I knew it would upset some folks. I knew that; I accepted it. I'm not writing about easy things, and my style is full-on, no bullshit and confrontational, and I take no prisoners.

What that approach doesn't always convey is the level of compassion and understanding behind the harsh words. I get that the people who react the most violently to what I say--the people who really can't deal with it--are people who don't want to deal with it. I've touched a nerve in them, a place they don't want touched, and their response is to either snap back at me or run away.

And, honestly, that's OK. I mean, it's hurtful to me--don't get me wrong, I have feelings and I can be deeply hurt by the judgments of others--but at the same time, I also understand that not everyone can deal with what I have to say. I react the same way when someone hits a nerve in a sore spot I'm not prepared to have examined. I get that we all are in different places and dealing with different stressors, and we're not always ready to examine the feelings challenging statements can cause.

Am I going to apologize? Nope. I didn't do anything wrong. A couple of folks took something intended lightheartedly a little too damn seriously and over-reacted. I am NOT a religious person; I hate organized religion. Faith... faith is a different story. I respect people who live their faith. I may not understand it, I may not support it, but I do respect it. I have my own faith, my own spirituality. It works for me. It has nothing to do with dogma or morality--there are little rituals involved, but they're pretty losely organized and open-ended things. I don't hold with the serious ritual magic (or magick, whatever the fuck you want to call it) because I think, at bottom, it's silly.

I found Catholic ritual silly--fairly meaningless, honestly, but for some of the songs which are beautiful and can still move me to tears. That's ME--that's my truth. I don't require that it be anyone else's truth. If it works for you, fine. Whatever. Just do it for yourself and leave the rest of us out of it.

This is where my problem comes in--I am sick and fucking tired of religious people using their beliefs--BELIEFS, NOT FAITH--to hurt the rest of us. I'm sorry, but it's unConstitutional (and therefore, UNAMERICAN) to exclude anyone from the rights the rest of us enjoy based on your religious beliefs. There is nothing ethically wrong with homosexuality. There is nothing ethically wrong with non-Christian belief systems or spirituality. Just because it makes you uncomfortable or some old man across the ocean says it's immoral does not give you a right to pass legislation excluding someone.

End of story. Any law based in religious beliefs is a violation of the Constitution. What does that mean in real terms? Well, it means that marriage for same sex couples should be legal across America; however, it does not mean that churches who disagree with homosexuality have to marry same sex couples. OK? I'm not asking the Catholic Church (or any other, for that matter) to marry gays. I'm telling them to leave the civil side of things alone. I think that's a fair compromise. Let the civil side go forward; the religious side is up to the individual church.

I've reached the end of my patience with all of it, especially after being called "arrogant" (yep, I am--I own it, I'm good with it) and having judgment passed on my life. Get this very, very straight: I don't give a fuck what ANYONE thinks about me or my life. I am done caring about the opinions of others. The world can kiss my fat white ass--if you don't like how I think and who I am, get the fuck out of my life because I have no time for you. If I died right now and had to face the final judgment, I could do it with a clean conscience. I know what I've done, who I've wronged, and just as importantly, I know the good I've done in this world. When I shuffle off this mortal coil, the good will outweigh the damage, and while I have made mistakes, I have done whatever I could to rectify them and make amends where it was needed. I have tried to develop and use the talents I've been given. I challenge everyone reading this: CAN YOU SAY THE SAME? Are you living to your full potential?

I am done with ignorant, narrow-minded idiots who have never once stepped out of their safe little world--who never evolved beyond their own safe place. And if you're reading this and taking it personally, THAT IS YOUR CHOICE.

Remember that--everything in life is a choice. EVERYTHING. And if you're not happy with the choices you've made, do something about it.

"This I choose to do..." because I have to. Because I want to be free of the pain and the past, and because I accept who I am and what I need to fulfill my goals. If you can't accept that, that's YOUR choice and YOUR problem. This is who I am--it's who I've always been. I just finally woke up and embraced it.

Let's end this weighty entry on a cheesy note... I heard an old 80's song, a classic hair metal tune, the other day, and it hit me that it's still as applicable to me now as it was then... "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake. Ahhhh, the fantabulous David Coverdale and his magnificent coif...
"Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter, I was born to walk alone
But I've made up my mind
I ain't wastin' no more time..."

G'night, kids. Be kind to each other. Accept each other. And don't let the bastards grind you down.
Much love,
Your Empress

Imagine... a few thoughts at the end of a productive day

Well, all this blogging has paid off. The rewrite of my novel started finally--managed to rewrite the first two chapters of One Flew Out of the Broom Closet.

SCORE!

On the other hand... I'm a bit annoyed.

Surprise, surprise.

A friend posted a humorous piece on FB today. I shared it because I thought it was brilliant--lighthearted British humor, a poke at religion.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/religious-belief-linked-to-being-a-bit-dim-201009293125/

I don't like organized religion. As a matter of fact, I fucking hate it. Why? Because, honestly, I think it's stupid.

Stooooooooooooooooooooopid.

I quit the Catholic Church a quarter of a century ago after twelve years of enforced indoctrination (i.e. Catholic school). Twelve years of daily religion classes. I find it really amusing that I always did well in religion--don't think I ever got less than a B. I mean, it was simple enough--pay attention, answer the questions... think about things. The thing I remember the most clearly are two things: Jesus's One Commandment (the whole "do unto others thing") and the statement that a mature faith is a questioning faith.

Well, I asked enough questions that I realized to have faith, I couldn't do religion. Because it's bullshit. I had this realization while sitting in the church during my grandmother's funeral and it hitting me that I thought every bloody word coming out of the priest's mouth (and I hated that evil fucker with a passion, the vicious bastard) was a load. A complete, utter, stinking load and I didn't believe a word of it.

And never had.

THAT'S a hard one when your entire family life revolves around the fucking Church. I mean, not in a go-to-Church way, but in a more serious Catholic-is-how-we-roll way. Being Catholic was as important as being a pro-Kennedy Democrat in my house, more important than rooting for the Red Sox or being Irish, because my family knew what it was to be persecuted (or at least harrassed) for being Catholic.

And I didn't get it.

I never saw the sense in no meat on Fridays. What the fuck did God care? Seriously. If sinning meant deliberately causing harm to another, where was the sin in eating steak instead of fish on a Friday? (People think it's a fasting/sacrifice issue--it's not. It was instituted originally purely for economic reasons. That's one of the problems with being a historian--you learn things like facts.)

This is one of the many issues I had. And although I made myself wait until I was in a calmer frame of mind to make a final decision, I quit the fucking Church. I had to; I'd seen too much hypocrisy committed by the leaders, and too much hypocrisy amongst "believers." I hated the message being preached, the complete lack of connection to the world and the need of the people the Church was supposed to be serving.

And I just didn't see the point. I had NEVER seen the point in going to church. It was BORING. I'd heard all the readings in school, and in church, there was no discussion, no debate--no engagement. I didn't get it.

Everything that was joyful was somehow wrong, and I didn't understand that, either. What the Church taught contradicted what Jesus said, and it didn't make any fucking sense. A lot of other things ceased to make sense once I gained a non-Catholic education and started getting the view from the other sides. And there are so very many of them.

So I quit.

It's been a long, strange trip since then. I have no problem with God; I have a real problem with his various and sundry fan clubs. I have a major problems with the fanatics who like to interpret the Bible and add embellishments that have nothing to do with Jesus's philosophy. I've found my own way, my own spirituality that works for me and satisfies my needs. I have a "personal relationship" with God--it involves a lot of arguing and WTFs, man? And I feel bad for Jesus--he gave us a great philosophy, and we had to go and fuck it up by turning it into a religion.

I don't see the sense in condemning someone for loving someone of the same sex. I don't see the sense in calling anything but missionary-position coitus for procreational purposes sinful. I don't see the sense in killing someone because they won't believe the same thing you do. I don't see the sense in any of it.

John Lennon would have been 70 this past Saturday. I'm going to sign off tonight with the lyrics to "Imagine," a song that I have to turn off if it comes on the radio when I'm driving because I cannot hear it without weeping. It's a Utopian vision for the world, but by all that's good and holy, I hope someday you'll join us...

"Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"