Stop the Madness! A sensible reading challenge

I have read (yet another) blog post on (yet another) reading challenge for the new year.

C'mon, people! WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?!?!?!? I'm finding just finding the time to read hard enough as it is. Have you seen my Amazon wish list? Or my "to read" list on Good Reads? And we won't discuss how far behind I am on creating the YA bibliography for the library web site. (We REALLY won't discuss that--all suggestions GLADLY taken!)

I am really sick of these "reading challenges." I think they're artificial and intellectually dumb.

Yes, I said that--INTELLECTUALLY DUMB. Inevitably, these are not about "fun reading"--they all seem to involve Great Literature, and for me, as the Literature Teacher's Nightmare*, it just puts me even more off on them than I already am. I mean, I'm having a hard time reading Terry Pratchett these days, never mind Shakespeare (and I LOVE Shakespeare). I'm even finding Stephen King a challenge, and Uncle Stevie is usually a cakewalk, uncomfortable literary comfort food.

I don't get the point of encouraging high consumption of reading material--I think I know too many slow readers, difficult readers, and people who just either have zero time or zero focus to read. And when I see some of these reading lists... *growl* I read The Great Gatsby my sophomore year of high school: trust me, there was nothing "great" about it. I have previously bitched about Dickens, the Brontes, Flaubert... even Stoker gets to me some times, and I love a good horror tale. (I really do!) Lovecraft--there's a reason for short stories, and it's Lovecraft. I don't think I could read a novelful of his prose. Even Twain, as hysterical and fabulous as his work is (FUCK YOU, YOU POLITICALLY CORRECT FASCIST BASTARDS!!!!!!!!! MAY YOU ROAST OVER SLOW FIRES IN HELL WITH YOUR HANDS REPEATEDLY CHOPPED FROM YOUR WRISTS AND ACID POURED ON THE STUMPS ONLY TO REGROW AND GO THROUGH IT AGAIN FOR ETERNITY FOR YOUR IGNORANT CENSORSHIP AND HISTORICAL COWARDICE! Yes, I am still upset over the new edition of Huckleberry Finn. Yes, I want to sponsor a readout of the novel to protest. Yes, I have issues with censorship, even if I personally eschew use of the n-bomb.)

Anyway, as I was saying... I really have issues with the whole "great books" thing, and I don't know that we're doing ANYONE a service by pushing them. In my experience, the best way to a great book is to find your own path there. I'm not saying recommendations aren't welcome, I'm saying that putting them on lists and insisting they are Great Books is a bit off-putting to those of us who have been duped before.

So here's MY throwdown--the Official Empress Reading Challenge for 2011: I want you, my darling blurkers, to read a book. A GOOD book, a book that moves you in some way--I don't care if it pisses you off, makes you cry, gets you off, makes you happy, or scares the pants off of you. It can be a novel or a graphic novel, possibly a short story--it's up to you. The thing is, you've got to tell ME about it. Leave a comment on the blog, below this post, and the person who can motivate me to read their choice wins. I'll even give out second and third prizes.

Up for grabs... First prize is a $25 (American or Canadian) Amazon gift card (or the equivalent thereof in other currencies); second prize is a handmade by me Critter, Funky Monkey or Dust Bunny (your choice!); third gets cookies (homemade! allergies allowed for!).

Deadline: February 28th. That's right, I'm giving you almost two months, so the slow readers have a chance.

* i.e. a highly intellligent, analytical and vocal class participant who reads "great books" and can't figure out WHAT THE FUCK IS SO GODSDAMNED GREAT ABOUT THEM!!!!!!