Quiet Respite

I wish I could predict my headspace a little better.

Feeling very weird the past couple of days. Not depressed, not upset, not even particularly anything... just WIRED and in a state of anticipation.

I wish I knew what I was anticipating. There's nothing amazing scheduled for the next couple of weeks--Staff Development Day is Wednesday, but that's not particularly a thing of awesomeness--I mean, it's cool and will be a great day (and I'm teaching a workshop on blogging. Yes, should be interesting, Gods help us), but it's nothing out of the ordinary.

Vacation isn't for another month and a half. Halifax. Oh, beautiful, beautiful Halifax... I am missing you and all of my friends up there. Just missing Home, end of story.

Spring is coming--got our first real taste today. I can't believe I was walking around with just a t-shirt and (long) shorts. I mean, it was AWESOME. I could deal with the clouds and the sprinkles just to not need a coat or a hoodie for a couple of hours. One of the reasons I love living here: the weather may utterly SUCK at times, but every now and then, we get a glimpse of better days coming.

Didn't hurt that the t-shirt I was wearing today is one of my Hot Topic Invader Zim shirts; it's a 3X and used to be skin tight on me. It's loose around the tits now, and I've got a good boob booster on. :-D Bloody frickin' awesome!

(And "Here Comes the Sun" just came on the Zune--got it on shuffle--and even though it's after dark, it's just the best song to be hearing right now.)

Never underestimate the value of venting, I guess. I feel lighter since yesterday's post. I really debated about whether or not I was going to put it up. I usually don't write about anything that close to me; I mean, I write from the personal, but that definitely qualifies as intimate. As much as I have a case of the ass with a bit of Freud's theories, he was dead-on about parental relationships. The first five years of life are the most influential; fuck those up...

Fuck those up and you've created either a monster or an artist (or both). I always tell guys in a dating situation that I'm "funny about kids." I haven't had a family yet--I had a chance to start one when I was married, and when I realized that I would be doing to my babies what my parents had done to me and what I had sworn before God I would never do, I panicked and got the fuck out. There is a part of me that is kicking myself for that--the feeling that I lost my chance for good and forever. I mean, I'm 43. I have two, maybe three, more years of fertility. I know I did the right thing; no kid deserves to grow up in an atmosphere of fear and misery. It's not right. If I had had children, my life would be so different. There would have been no theatre, no writing, none of the crazy things I've done. My kids would actually be in college right now.

Wow. *shudder* And I'm flirting with guys barely out of college... Oh, CHRIST. I just freaked myself out. But it's OK.

I'm sitting in Sbux now, down at the corner of the bar with my trenta, just chilling. Laundry is next. FUN! And prepping the handouts for the blog workshop. My copy of the HuffPo book on blogging hasn't arrived yet, but I'm good about that, considering how Ariana Huffington has responded to the threat of a strike by freelancers. I found it ironic and amusing.

I think I'm going to post some one-liners. I've been coming up with a bunch of them of late, and I think you guys deserve a laugh after the past few posts. I have been so unfunny and so very serious of late. This is the other side of comedy, though--funny comes from rage.

Which is why I've been coming up with such great one-liners of late.