Ever get annoyed? Ever feel like someone needs to be told where the dog died? Or handed a crowbar and a tub of Elbow Grease to help them pry their head out of their arse? Congratulations--you've come to the right place.

And when I'm not commenting on the latest thing to piss me off, I'm trying to figure out my own twisted life. Because, hey, I'm like that.

On a gentler note: for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, and other assorted bullshit: You are NOT alone.

And if you're looking for a laugh, search on the key word "fuckery." It's just my little thing (as the bishop said to the actress).

Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday... Thank the Gods, It's Friday

Greetings, darling blurkers, and welcome to the happiest day of the week, at least as far as I'm concerned.

Your Empress has NOT had the best of weeks, sad to say, although it vastly improved as it progressed. Snowmageddon continues here in the Northeast with more of the awful white shit due tomorrow night. I spent two days in the house because on Tuesday morning, I opened the door, looked outside at the snow and driving wind, and said, "Fuck this." I took a personal day because, honestly, I couldn't face digging out the car, shoveling the walk and driveway, and then fighting my way into work, dealing with the bullshit in here, and then fighting my way home. It also meant I skipped the gym this week (haven't been since Saturday; bad Empress, but am going tonight without fail. I miss it!).

Now, here's something that will make y'all have a damn good laugh: last Friday I said to hell with it and joined CougarLife.

Yes, you read that correctly. CougarLife. As much as I object to the terminology, I have realized how tired I am of old farts, and sadly, so many of the guys my age have become old farts. I am NOT an old fart--I am probably a bit immature for my age. I like to do stuff--I like LOUD, obnoxious music (case in point: rocking out to Green Day whilst designing last night, but more on that later on in the post), I like to road trip, I like to have LOTS of sex, I like LIVING. As badly as I want a family, I don't want one tomorrow--I want it after a couple of years with someone because, honestly, that's the whole point of dating. It's not about falling in love and hearts and flowers and all that other Hallmark bullshit--it's about discovering whether or not you can put up with the other human being in the same living space without killing them and vice versa. (I made this observation during a convo yesterday with a fellow survivor from the Bookstore of the Damned--he's back in town for a couple of weeks, and I'm really looking forward to having coffee with him. One of those folks I didn't realize whose company I truly, truly loved until I hadn't seen him for a while.)

So. CougarLife. Yeah. CougarLife. Six flirts in 24 hours--SCORE! Of course, the one live 'un has no picture. WARNING! Gmail account doesn't show his name. WARNING! Doesn't email after work hours. WARNING! After four days of much emailing, he confesses he's married. *slams head on the desk* WHAT THE FUCKIN' HELL?!?!?!?!? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME--WHY THE FUCK IS HE ON A GODSDAMNED DATING SITE?!?!?! And after I tell him I don't do married men, he comes back with, "We don't have to have sex; we can just fool around."

Excuse me?

EXCUSE FUCKING ME?!?! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M DOING THIS?!?! Girlfriend needs to get laid, dammit! And I'm sorry, kids, but foreplay doesn't satisfy. I want the full magilla, or I don't wanna play, dammit! Dumbass sonofacunt. I sent him packing back to his wife. Why the hell would I hurt another woman like that?

So yesterday was a mixed bag. On the one hand, LOVELY convo and an email from another friend with pics of the amazing things he has crafted for me that are winging their way from the U.K. as we speak. On the other hand... married man.

The good thing about things like this happening is that it sharpens my comedy skills. It does. I am never so on as when I am thoroughly pissed off at a man. So I am very proud to report that, despite not going to the gym, I had an awesome night last night. I went to Sbux, had a great yakyak with Stas and Austin, stopped by Newbury Comics and had another great yakyak with Nico and the other cute guy, picked up groceries and TJ's and had a quick yakyak with Chris, and then went home and did some SERIOUS comedy writing and designing.


If I could make that "YES" flash in multi-colored lights, I would. It was awesome. The bit I've been trying to get to gel that involves sex, dating, and being traumatized by parental canoodling finally came together. I was able to finally do the concept sketch for Ferd for my logo, finalized the design for the customization job I'm doing on my Chuck's, AND the sketch for my military jacket. I feel fuckin' awesome. Higher than hell. LOVE IT!

So happy Friday, my cherished blurkers. I have two meetings to get through (one I couldn't care less about, the other, later, I hope goes well) and then it's the weekend. Just two weeks to seeing Jim Jefferies at Foxwoods. *insert fangirl squee here* Celebricrush gave me a shout out on his FB on Monday (and probably saved me from slitting my wrists after the meeting from hell that I'd just gotten out of that left me feeling raped and weeping) for the rebuttal. It's a small thing, but the thank you... it made my day, considering the rebuttal was about someone misjudging him. After a meeting that had a lot to do with being misjudged by a bunch of narrow-minded, passive-agressive, petty people... yeah.

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