Ever get annoyed? Ever feel like someone needs to be told where the dog died? Or handed a crowbar and a tub of Elbow Grease to help them pry their head out of their arse? Congratulations--you've come to the right place.

And when I'm not commenting on the latest thing to piss me off, I'm trying to figure out my own twisted life. Because, hey, I'm like that.

On a gentler note: for anyone dealing with depression, anxiety, and other assorted bullshit: You are NOT alone.

And if you're looking for a laugh, search on the key word "fuckery." It's just my little thing (as the bishop said to the actress).

Thursday, November 11, 2010

On Thursday, the Empress Did Laundry

... And Decided She Hates Oprah

OK, life has improved in that I now have two functioning contact lenses. HUZZAH! Nothing makes me feel awkward, fat, ugly, ungainly, unattractive and just horrible than wearing glasses in public. It's a middle school thing I never got over.

The rest of my afternoon was spent doing approximately 14 loads of laundry. I had seven machines (including both of the $10/triple loaders) going; transitioned to ten dryers.

Nothing challenges my Cambridge liberal self more than doing laundry because honestly, the laundrymat brings out the worst in people. I actually turned around and called a woman an ignorant bitch to her face this afternoon. Seriously. She wanted the two machines I had clothes in; she put her bags in front of them, pinning the laundry cart to the machines and blocking my access. I politely asked her to move them; she was surprised that I would ask such at thing. I'm like, "If you want the machine, I need to get my stuff out."

She compounded her annoyance of me by blocking my access to the super loader and then trying to shove her shit in before I'd finished getting mine out. I lost it. "Develop some fuckin' patience, you ignorant bitch!"

It takes a fair bit of pushing to piss me off to that point when I'm not behind the wheel. She was smart enough to step back and back off. If she hadn't, she would have eaten that laundry. Without benefit of mustard.

So right now the car is packed and I am blogging. I had something clever to say, I think, but my brain is atrophying. Of course, I've forgotten to eat today. Silly Empress.

Oh, yes, Oprah. Anyone who follows me via FB or Twit may have seen the status about Oprah being a misery whore and Marie Osmond being a douchebag. Now, I despise daytime TV. DESPISE IT. I hate the freakin' talk shows, and Oprah... oh, Oprah, how I do hate you and your enabling piece of shit of a show.

This is not the first time I've been annoyed by Oprah; whenever I've been subjected to her show, my immediate reaction is a profound need to smack her upside the head. She should have knocked Tom Loser on his ass when he jumped on her couch like a rabid chimp; and that financial advisor idiot... Doctor Phil... I mean, WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!?!?! Jerry Springer was less offensive--at least people got their asses kicked on his show, not made to feel like they were OK and everything will be OK.

And Marie Osmond... Oh, PLEASE! *rolls eyes* OK, I would not wish a child's suicide on anyone, but this maudlin whinge fest... *SMACKS*

About the only thing that saved the world from a bad news story about me holding an entire laundrymat hostage until Oprah was forced to apologize and smacked in the head (aside from the fact I don't allow myself firearms) were the tweets back and forth with the blog's latest follower. The 80's music share definitely made my day a better thing and saved lives. :-)

I hope everyone took a second to remember the day. Rational Anarchist and anti-war as I am, I am NOT anti-soldier and honor all of those who have served and who are serving. May you return home safe and as whole as possible.


Your Empress

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